Thursday, December 30, 2010


For about roughly 2 1/2 weeks, I've been eating non-stop. And by non-stop I mean from about 130 PM, when I usually wake up, to 4 or 5 AM, when I go to bed. There are occasional 1 hour breaks, but it has been the most eating I've done since I acquired this eating disorder. I've gone from fluctuating between a size 0 and 2, to only-my-jeggings-fit (I'm guessing a size 6) in about two months. I'm horrified to say the least. But no matter how much I want or try, or what I try to trick my mind into thinking, I end up eating.

What is the worst about all this is not the weight gain (shh, I'm trying to be logical), but it's hiding food in my closet, scheduling my day around eating, coordinating friendships around what restaurants have private bathrooms or those stalls that are like rooms for additional privacy, and mentally preparing for the moment (god forbid) that I will run out of things to eat.

I'd like to think that one day, all this madness will cease and my obsession with food will go away. But for now, looks like the addiction is here to stay.

1 comment:

  1. J, I am struggling with the same thing. I'm trying not to get up to my old tricks, but, like you, I'm horrified by my body right now. And once I start eating, it's hard for me to stop.

    I'm trying to nip it in the bud by - gasp - going to the gym. Hopefully that will take the weight off, so I won't be so tempted to visit those private bathrooms...