Thursday, December 23, 2010


I've been thinking a lot lately about what I want to do with my life. It's that time of year. Yep, it's already application season again. This should finally be the last time, more or less. See, I've decided to tempt fate by applying to five schools for a PhD in Visual Studies related fields and to one MA program in Psychology.

Here is where I'm stuck. Do I give up what I love to do (i.e. academia) and pursue a more realistic route? Am I capable of handling a career within the university? So far, it doesn't look too good. My mental health is chronic. Ending up in the hospital again is more than likely, and educational delay is highly possible (in fact, that's already started!). But how can I so easily give up what fuels my heart? On the other hand, is it worth my sanity? Should I literally risk my sanity or even dying just so I can prove something to myself that I really don't need to prove? I wouldn't mind... In fact, I would love to find stability in a secure job and nice home. Not to mention, while clinical psychology is not the love of my life, I do care enough about it to make a career out of it.

Of course, the options will grow more narrow as decision letters start to roll in. I guess my future is up to the admissions committees across the country. Wish me luck!


  1. "I would love to find stability in a secure job and nice home"

    Dude, so would I. Problem is, I'm not wired for it. I'm wired for jobs that make me mad, make me crazy, make me feel alive. I don't know if it's a blessing or a curse, but it is what it is and I've gotta go with what I've got.

  2. Same here. I guess I'm just unsure of what exactly it is that I've got, and how much of it is less. Like you say, I'm not sure if it's a blessing or a curse to be the way we are.