Wednesday, January 5, 2011

GOOD NIGHT FROM DEPRESSED

I'm depressed.

Yea, okay, I know you know that. But this time I'm actually depressed! But depressed, to me, usually means feeling like my soul is being sucked into a hellhole of torture, followed by major bingeing and purging, and cutting, and drug abusing, and etc. So, generally I have mixed episodes where yes, I am depressed, but I also feel like i could bash my head in. Actually, one time I did try to bash my head into a concrete wall. Thankfully, my ex-bf prevented me.

This past week or so I've been thinking how the current cocktail of meds seem to be particularly effective. Usually my two weeks of PMSing are two weeks of madness. Three months ago, I was arrested. Two months ago, I ended up in the hospital. Since then, when the PMS gets me down, I find myself laying in bed quietly. It's like the kind of depression they write about in books. What?!? I don't know if I should have be glad or sad. I guess if anything, I'm safer.

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