This past weekend, I spent Friday afternoon to Monday night visiting Berkeley for an admitted students event.
Not only am I excited about the opportunity I've been given to study in this particular department, I've also come to a point in my life that I've been working so hard for, for the past three years of my life. Getting my PhD is finally a reality. I'm proud. And not in a pompous way. It's not the school or the department that I feel the urge to boast about. I'm proud that despite the hardships I've dealt with, the difficulties with my health, and other miscellaneous challenges in my life, I've achieved a huge dream of mine.
But I still have my reservations. I am notoriously horrible when it comes to living away from Los Angeles. I might have to be away from my boyfriend, who is a large part of my support system. I will have ton build an entirely new treatment team. But really, it's the idea of living alone that I am nervous about. I know the monsters in the closet will seem that much more horrifying. Eating will become an even stronger addiction that I already know I'll succumb to, willingly. Slight mood changes will become debilitating.
I'm trying to focus on the positive though. This IS my dream, indeed, and I hope to maintain it as such. No need to turn my dream into a nightmare this early in the game. I hope setting up a strong plan will help ease some of the anxiety I'm having about this. If any of you have suggestions, I'd be more than happy to hear them.