Since my last entry, my med adjustments have gone relatively well. I do feel more susceptible to my emotions, but I do feel some of the affect flattening (part of the reason I wanted to taper down) has gone away. Two sides of the same coin.
One thins that has come up since I've gone down on the meds is that I find myself craving drugs. Hardcore. (For those who don't know, I have a history of substance abuse and have OD'd twice. Though I;ve stayed off street drugs since 2006, I used pharmaceuticals on and off beginning 2007, but am not clean since last October.) I smoked a lot and drank a lot last week. I haven't smoked like that since 2006. And all the meanwhile, I was aware it was just a poor substitute for the pills I could not get my hands on. I believe there are two reasons for this. 1) I'm dealing with my emotions more, thus I feel more of a need to run away from them. 2) The lack of meds that my body is feeling = craving compensation with more drugs.
There are some other things I'm currently dealing with, but I don't want to overwhelm you with a lengthy entry or excessive details. I'll post again soon.