Tuesday, June 21, 2011

HELLO FROM... UNCERTAIN

Things have been very difficult this past week. Like I mentioned in my last entry, I've been noticing things gradually worsening. Well, with the added factor of PMSing, it has been very hard the last couple of days.

I've been debating whether or not to go to the hospital or not. I keep telling myself to just hang on till Wednesday when I'll get my period, and hopefully this will ease up. But it just keeps getting worse and worse. I guess some of the reasons I'm staying out is because the suicidal thoughts are not that severe. Also, I feel pretty clear headed. I can't even open a book and my concentration is zero, but there isn't much dissociating. My memory is decent. The self-harm thoughts are there, but that's not too out of the ordinary.

I don't know. When is bad, really bad, you know? When is enough, enough? When is too much, too much? I feel so lost and unsure about what my next step should be.

3 comments:

  1. I know what you mean. It's like, if I'm not actively suicidal, do I really need to go to the hospital? But how do I know that I wont suddenly decide to kill myself? What if I go to the hospital and end up feeling better tomorrow and be stuck on the psych ward for no reason?

    Uncertainty sucks. It there a kind ofmiddle of the way answer? Like, could you get more support as an outpatient? Sometimes I try that, and then if it isnt working, and things are getting worse, I would consider IP.
    Hope things turn around for you soon!

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  2. you took the words right out of my mouth! thanks for your suggestion about outpatient. i havent had any for a month till today so hopefully that will help.

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  3. Totally catching up on past blog entries. I struggled with the same decision & ended up going IP. Hope you're doing better, will catch up on your blog today!

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