I initially began this blog to talk a bit about my academic life. Well, sorry to say, I haven't really talking about it much. Maybe because I haven't been doing any work.
Here's my current situation:
So, one year later (from when I began on this dreary path) I am still plowing through my MA thesis. Well, more like trudging. Briefly, my thesis about death and photography. More specifically, lynching photography. While I'm completely invested in my topic, it has been very difficult to progress with it. Looking at photographs that are a result of racism is not easy to say the least. And to stare at them for months.... Well, it takes a toll. There have been several times I try to do my work and just break down crying instead. I sit down in an attempt to analyze them and I become overwhelmed: How do I articulate such violence? How do I even begin to do justice to these people who were subject to such pain? My desire is to keep trudging on. But I feel paralyzed when I look at these black and white images that so explicitly evidences a history of racial violence.
As far as how I'm doing otherwise, I'm actually a bit worried. My mood has been dropping steadily. I don't know what to do. I have my fingers and toes crossed, hoping this is not a longer episode and that this is just for a couple of days. But I feel my world slowly starting to fall apart. I can almost see the seams of this reality loosening. I don't feel like I have anyone to relate to or turn to right now. I feel scared and alone.