Tuesday, July 5, 2011


I made it. I made it through rough and difficult emotions tonight. No madness, no cutting, no being overly dependent on my boyfriend. No, I did this one all by myself with tears to spare. I was proud and excited for five minutes, before a pain settled in. Yes, this victory was a painful one. But in quite a different way than when I let myself be swallowed by insanity and self-destruction. It was the pain of loneliness. There is an utter loneliness in realizing that you got through something entirely on your own -- in the fact that you pulled yourself out of the trenches with your own herculean effort. Maybe for many there is only a feeling of triumph. But for me, there was also the overwhelming loneliness when I climbed my way out of the hellish burrows created by a life of war

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