I'm sorry I haven't written in a really long time. School + treatment has been really overwhelming. I guess I haven't explained yet that I started a partial hospitalization program for my ED last Tuesday. I went full time last week, but I guess I'm technically intensive outpatient now due to my school schedule.
Treatment is insanely hard.
I don't know how to push through. I keep asking myself, for what? Someone please tell me what the fuck I am fighting for. When you don't love yourself, "you" is simply just not a good enough reason to keep on.
I've given up on recovery for the past two days. I'm still unsure whether or not I will let my eating disorder win.
All I know is that I just want to hide in a hole and disappear.