Tuesday, October 18, 2011

On Friday, I decided to quit ED treatment. They required me to come in a minimum of three days a week, and I could only afford to come in for two. Well.... that's half the reason. The other, more honest half is that maybe I decided to give in to my eating disorder.

I couldn't handle being in treatment only three days a week and having all these issues brought up, and then being left to deal with it all on my own for four days. I don't know how to do that. If I did, I wouldn't be where I'm at. So, i figure it's 5 days or IP, and I wasn't ready to give up school for treatment. I know it would help in the long run, but I just am not willing to sacrifice my first semester of my PhD. I've had to drop out of school for hospitalizations before, and I don't want to do it again. I need to prove to myself that I can get through this. Besides, when have EDs ever been logical?

At first I was really sad and disappointed in myself for not being able to handle t. But I realized, I made a positive decision. I made the decision to commit myself to school. I have something I want to work hard at and am excited about. And that's a good thing. So the eating disorder may have won one battle, but I've won one too. And I'm okay with that for now.

10 comments:

  1. This might sound lame, but don't LET it win - keep fighting. Sometimes it comes and sometimes it goes, but you can always keep fighting. Be gentle with yourself, but don't just give in.

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  2. Thanks for the comment and advice. I've felt so overwhelmed the past two weeks that I just gave up, but hopefully I can kind of get back on track by taking it a little more slowly.

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  3. Sometimes you have to give up to get back on top :)

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  4. Did you go to Herrick? Or something at UC Berkeley? I'm a little familiar with programs in the area (I live in the south bay).

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  5. i went to herrick. have you gone to any good programs in ca?

    also, erin, which is your blog?

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  6. I'd like to invite you to my private blog -- what's your email address?

    How did you like Herrick? My team tried to get me to go there... I said no way.No good programs in south bay -- La Ventana is AWFUL and don't hear good things about Cielo House...

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  8. Sent you an invite so you can delete the email. :) Did you get it?

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  9. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  10. OH good thing I checked back. OK, just sent a new invite.

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